In life there are moments beyond the realms of language. In Portuguese they called it 'saudade': a longing for something so indefinite as to be indefinable. Love affairs, miseries of life, the way things were, people already dead, those who left and the ocean that tossed them on the shores of a different land - all things born of the soul that can only be felt. A churning in your soul that thoughts cannot put to rest. Sometimes it is better to be indefinite and unfocused. There must be empty spaces in ourselves to liberate us. Vacuums in human life that remains unexplained and undefined to complete our overflowing lifestyles. That incompleteness that defy the logical choices to attain perfection. Let life be a journey to the emptiness within. For are we are not striving to be shining examples of perfection, but only to answer our conscience.

Landing Gear

I was afraid all my life. Afraid of every change and every moment of truth. May be we all know what I am talking about. We have all lived in fear so much that one day we wake up to realize that there is nothing more within us than our devotion to fear and reluctance to change. Indeed the easiest path to self destruction was also the most secure and longest journey towards death, encapsulated in the walls of false security and ego. This was how it started. I wanted to break free, I wanted to change. I wanted to reach out and break the walls that suffocated me. 

That day I was learning a new feat. How to do a perfect backflip. I was 27 years old. That meant according to conventional wisdom, it was not the age to do something physical like a back flip. But according to me it was a dream. It was a signifier of liberation from limitations my mind had constructed around my existence. When you do a backflip, you have to vision it in your mind simultaneously with the physical action. If your mind disconnects, it fails. The peculiar aspect was that the 75% of the backflip involves your mind. The process was really simple. You need to jump to a moderate height. Force your mind to make sure that your body is safe to roll on then flip and then feel free to land on both feet.

We are all made to believe that freedom is a product to be consumed. A product to be consumed immediately or face the risk that it may perish. I need to free myself from the weight of the world. Though I walk over the world, I felt its weight all over me. The ultimate freedom of weightlessness. Our fear of losing overshadows our abilities. I feared nothing to lose while I jumped. I feared not to go back and revisit my fears, I was immune. I saw the world flipping one moment at a time till I was upside down. It was amazing and soothing. Just the same way once I was once in my mother's womb, I was in the warmth of the world and weightless. My feet kissed the skies. Back to reality, but I felt my own presence for the first time. I landed on the sand. My first backflip. My statement of survival and rebirth. I may die one day, but till that day I am immune to fear, I will survive changes yet to come and flip kick the world.