Moments passed by and my eyes were fixated on the ceiling fan. I could see a set of tubes running haywire all around me. Some struck out from my arms and one went down my nose. Moments stood still beside my hospital bed. And one thing that ran out from my soul was hope. Bedsores and pain were my best companions. I waited for hours and they seemed like years. I waited for the footsteps of the nurse arriving with painkillers. I memorized the names of broken bones. Scaphoid bones of my left and right hands, broken mandible, Ulna on my left hand, trapezium bone on my right hand and radius of my right hand. I was often tortured by the sympathetic visits of near and dear. After a few days it seemed like that the world has forgotten me. I tried to hold a spoon but was utterly defeated when it slipped from my hands. I couldn't hold a mobile and talk. I couldn't talk at all! I accepted death a second at a time. I understood that death is when memories about you fade. Slowly the visits from my friends stopped. The clock gave me company and each tick was the drum beat towards my way down. 

I wanted to scream. Let my voice be heard. The tubes inside my nose were agonizing. I couldn't even scream. The monster inside me was caged. It slumbered because it had no choice. Days passed and the tubes were removed from my body one at a time. I felt like an animal who lost a shackle at a time. Freedom in small scoops. Still casts bound my arms. I remembered my past life as if they were echoes from light years away. Smiles and moments that I experienced haunted me. I will never get back the life that I took for granted. From the other side of life I observed, I revisited the avenues that were the zenith of my life. I slipped an extra pill of painkillers at times. But they couldn't ease the pain within. Or a shot of rum to ease the thoughts. But they weren't enough to keep them submerged. These small steps made giant leaps. I was getting addicted. I was busy hiding, I was busy finding more and more excuses. I spent my time pointing fingers to explain how good I am. And the day came when the casts were removed. I stood before the mirror and I couldn't recognize myself. The mobile that kept ringing a lifetime ago was silent. I was in ground zero. No friends, no job, no health and money was running out. I had to make a change. I have to live, one moment at a time. But the ghosts of my pain were in full force. I knew deep within that I need to exorcise them one at a time. The monster inside me was rattling the cage. I was depressed but I was restless. I need to take my life back by the throat and own it just one more time.

I got addicted to my laptop. Catching up friends over the internet was less painful because I need not reveal my fragile self. I wandered the cyberspace. One day I happened to come across an interview of Neil "Yoda" Hill, the fabled trainer for IFBB Pro Branch Warren and mentor of 212 Mr. Olympia Flex Lewis. In his words fitness was not about competitions. But it was more about what you feel deep inside. The test is about who will complete the journey and not about who will smile and vanish. His words were direct, they were simple and they were true. It is something that completes you and keeps you going towards the goals you have that can make the difference. And it is all about to be or not to be. Champions are champions because they live like champions and work like champions. When you perfect one action it affects all other actions and spreads across your life. It in turn affects life of people around you. The change is like a wave and the waves are invincible. 'Yoda' as he was affectionately addressed was indeed Yoda. And the Jedi in me found a mentor. The right words ignited the motivation I was searching for. I was making the necessary changes to direct my life in the right direction. The breakfast seemed more delicious that it could ever be. I avoided the escalator after months. May be it was just moments, but the spark turned into a fire and the beast within me was unchained. I went back to the path I left behind a few years ago. The way of the iron. My feeble wrists could support only a few grams during the first day of training. But the beast did the remaining work. It was hungry and the hunger could burn all the fuel I could ever find. All I could think was how isolated and unwanted my life became when I lost all hope. My enemy was within me. And when I tried to make myself stronger, it made my enemy weak. I forgot the smell of alcohol, I quit stuffing myself with poison and I avoided friends who made me weak. Within weeks I turned out to be a machine. I had my goals and I was pursuing them one at a time. When I block the negativity out of me, the light came searching for me. Good friends, great time and better opportunities came to my life. I was hunting my goals with no time to lose. I started with converting my thesis into a book, working on fresh photo essays, restarted my painting lessons and I partied in gym lifting more than ever before and consuming more clean food and protein.

Smiles revisited the faces of people who I cared for. It was not about the muscles, but I could invest more energy to focus on things that really mattered. I was healthier and that influenced my thoughts and earning capacity. Never did things turn me back. And my life was getting richer. I was in demand. I was travelling, holding lectures, completed my second Master's degree and I was clicking celebrities and models. Things went on a roll. Two years passed by so fast that I couldn't even recognize. Now I bench press my own weight. And the moment of truth. A fitness event was taking place in Bangalore and I was backstage. To my shock it was none other than Neil Hill, who was present in the venue and things came full circle. He was gentle and soft spoken, he explained the concepts, work ethics and principles, which are also applicable to life as well as fitness and bodybuilding. One need not stay forever to change a person, but a moment can change the universe. I had been heading in the right direction, but his words and experience motivated me to take steps further. I perfected the flaws that I couldn't even realize. I ate like a champion, I dreamed like a champion and I worked like a champion. I could fit in a 36 hour schedule of my previous life into my current life. While I sat at my desk completing my first work of fiction, a page at a time, I recollected the words of a mentor who may not even remember my face. "When you perfect one action it affects all other actions and spreads across your life." And so I am here a happy person.

Thank you Neil, for bringing out the champion within me.